Monthly Archives: May 2017

Discover How to Empathize to Men and Relationships

Books and articles about how to love your man are everywhere. If you truly want to make your boyfriend happy, the key is to understand men and relationships. While women are seen as the more sentimental partner, know that men have feelings, too. Children have been socialized based on society’s views that men have learned to suppress their emotions to become more “masculine.”

This article contains tips on how to empathize with men and how to develop a healthy relationship.


The first step at empathizing with your boyfriend is accepting him for who he is, even if he has flaws and annoying habits. Accepting him for who he is means recognizing and understanding all his strengths, weaknesses, and flaws. Once you’ve done this, you’ll be able to see things from his perspective.

Unconditional love is the best kind of love you can give anyone. When you love your partner despite his faults, you will be able to provide the love he has been longing for.

Place Yourself in His Shoes

When your boyfriend is in a bad spot, it’s not easy to give advice, especially when you don’t see the other side or the whole picture. Instead, imagine what he’s going through and ask yourself what you’d do in his circumstance. It’s okay to give your say, but become a listening ear as well. Be encouraging as much as possible.

Be Sensitive to His Moods

Tact is the word. Don’t just prattle on thinking that he won’t be offended with your words, whether you’re having a tiff or not. Also, beware when talking about yourself to no end. It’s pointless to talk if he has “switched off” and doesn’t want to listen anymore.

Give Him Some Space

Sometimes, it’s better to not talk at all or communicate at a later time. Don’t be afraid to ask your boyfriend if he needs some space. Some men aren’t blunt about telling you that they need time to be with themselves. If things aren’t looking very well, offer some space. This way, both of you will be able to sort things out.

Be Thoughtful and Sweet

Any guy would easily fall for a girl, that can sweetly charm her way to his heart. Most men look forward to coming home to a sweet partner after a bad day. Comfort him and show him that you care.

Stages of Relationships

In this short article I would like to discuss with you the subject of men: how to understand and deal with them, and how to live with them. In another article coming soon, I will look at women, and how to have a good, solid relationship with the female of the species.

Let us talk about the stages of relationships to start with. You may have noticed that the above title is backwards. The proper stages of relationships that you should follow are Understanding Men, Love, and then perhaps Marriage.

Men (and women) are complex, ever-changing things that you cannot hope to ever fully understand, and then relax. It is a continuous work in progress to watch him, figure him out (but not psych him out!), think, note his likes, dislikes, reactions, level of maturity, and so on. Of course, he should be doing the same for you. This will make for a harmonious, happy relationship.

Women want a man who is strong, confident and mature. So while you are dating, observe closely. Is he spoiled? Selfish? Does he sometimes let his guard down and act like a little boy? Perhaps it was disguised as a joke, but watch out. It can take a year or more of frequent dating before the real nature and temperament of your partner emerges.

It is worth remembering as well that men can be just as vulnerable and emotional as women. Men know they are supposed to be strong and supportive. But sometimes they need help too. Needing or asking for help is not a sign of weakness, or a character defect. On the contrary, it shows a good level of adult maturity, to know when to ask for help and not be ashamed of it.

You know very well that you should not stay with a man who abuses you. I do not need to tell you that, I hope! But what about the guy who is a little more crafty, and not so obvious? Does your man constantly criticize you and put you down, especially in front of family and friends? You may think this behavior is foolish and sad, and just tolerate it.

However, there is more to it than that. It is in fact, a large red flag being waved in your face, so do not dismiss it. A man who behaves in this manner is chock full of insecurities and emotional problems. He is dumping his issues on you because you are handy and convenient, and usually will not fight back. In this way, he escapes having to actually deal with these problems himself.

As an aside, fighting back vigorously in such a situation might make you feel better, but it will only make things worse. This man needs to see a counselor or psychologist quick, and get straightened out, if possible. You cannot do this yourself unless you actually are a psychologist yourself, and maybe not even then, so do not try.

The important point is, a man who often acts in an abusive, childish or emotionally immature manner is damaged goods. Steer clear and find someone else, before you find yourself accepting the blame for his problems and getting messed up yourself. He wants you to feel as bad about yourself as he feels about himself.

If you stay in such a relationship, he will succeed. You will soon feel guilty and inadequate, and lack confidence in yourself, for all the wrong reasons. Or, actually, for no reason at all. Put some effort into watching your man in the first few months of your relationship. Think carefully and remember what happens. There are always warning signs in a bad relationship, sooner rather than later.

Do not ignore them, thinking they will go away. They will not. On the contrary, they will usually get worse with time. To achieve a happy ending, you must go through the stages of relationships in their proper order. Understanding should come first, no matter how madly in love with him you are.

You know very well that most folks are on their best behavior in the early stages of love and dating. Do not be in too much of a rush to get married or move in with him. She who hesitates is sometimes saved. Be patient and become a keen observer with a sharp memory. It will pay off bigtime in the long run.

Is Your Relationship Love or Pity

If you are in a relationship and you just feel that something is missing, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to take a close look at what is taking place in your life with your partner at this time. The very real question that is going to have to be answered at the end of your assessing this situation is whether your relationship is based on love or pity.

The individual that you are spending your life with may be your best friend, and the problem is they may not be your lover. It may not be the individual that you are able to have a passionate relationship with that has that deep rooted love that having a partner brings. The individual may be a very close friend that you feel comfortable discussing things with, and sharing your problems with, and having a good time with, but the relationship ends there. If you are not feeling that tug in your heart each time you are with them or looking for them and counting the minutes to when you are going to see them again, then there may be something missing that you need to bring back into your relationship if it’s possible.

You may know within yourself that this is not the person that you had thought that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but don’t want to hurt them by ending the relationship. So you are now, in your heart, accepting second best even though this is a top rate person. You are not being fair to them or yourself to allow this to continue. It is something that you need to bring out in the open, and many times when this happens it turns out that there has just been something affecting the relationship that can be rectified, and the passion now returns to the marriage or partnership.

Many times with a hectic pace of life, or one or the other going their separate ways without realizing it, they have become selfish in the relationship and have taken the marriage for granted. Sometimes doing a reality check is all that it takes. Then this may not be the case, and it turns out that you are truly in the relationship because of pity. This is where you need to ask yourself, do you want to spend the rest of your life this way, or do you want to give each of you a chance of finding the true love and happiness in a relationship that you expect out of life.

Is There an Anger Problem in Your Relationship?

Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But
to be angry with the right person, to the right
degree, at the right time, for the right purpose
and in the right way… that is not easy.

For around three years, my husband and I have participated in a couples’ enrichment program. As members of the core team, I was misguided in thinking our sole responsibility would be to share our experience, strength and hope. We were additionally required to dissect our own relationship in areas of communication, pinpoint our need for growth and apply the program’s tools to slowly move forward. (Ouch!) The lesson on anger was an unavoidable hot topic that Scott and I had wrestled with over the years. Many of our worst memories from those hostile times had been brushed under the rug, taking the opportunity for growth and healing with them.

In sharing a brief synopsis of our dealings with anger, I’ll be stepping out on a limb in an effort to relate to those with similar struggles. We have been lucky to encounter people who could guide us forward and teach us tools. Yes, most couples fight; within reason, disagreeing can be quite useful in conflict resolution and moving on to healthy decision-making. However, anger can also be a toxic, painful, heartbreaking practice that strips away at any positive emotional foundation a couple shares. The damage burrows deeper than the initial wrongdoing ever would have had the power to do. Knowing this from experience, I would like to touch on what we have learned. Most importantly: Left unaddressed, anger has the power to take from us everything that we treasure.

There are two identifiable extremes when dealing with anger, neither of which is healthy. One person may choose to hold in or ‘stuff’ their feelings to avoid conflict or keep the peace. Another, having little ability to take that route, might let loose, blow up, saying and doing things they will later regret. Men and women can vacillate between the two and couples can include any combination of these behaviors.

It is important to note that anger is an emotion which, like all emotions, is neither right nor wrong; it is the behavior that accompanies it that can be unacceptable. So, learning to deal with anger in a healthy way was something we had to be taught. We have come a long way over the years; but, this is where we began…

In my adult life, I’ve never been a stuffer. I learned early on in my relationships, men would prefer I quiet down. For them, the silent treatment would have been a blessing, so the rebel in me embraced the opposite behavior. When a situation erupted, I would lash out verbally, throw things, slam doors and take off in the car, tires squealing. Over the years, working on myself in a 12 step program toned that down… slowly. Early on when things blew up with Scott, I would angrily say things like, “Are you #{1af1d6fd20039196de8b3c623c6b1a3013651a36e10fd63d67c01c78a1ea15aa}$*& kidding me? That’s a bunch of &#@{1af1d6fd20039196de8b3c623c6b1a3013651a36e10fd63d67c01c78a1ea15aa}! You’re nothing but a {1af1d6fd20039196de8b3c623c6b1a3013651a36e10fd63d67c01c78a1ea15aa}*&@! I’m sick of your #@{1af1d6fd20039196de8b3c623c6b1a3013651a36e10fd63d67c01c78a1ea15aa}$!” Words that cut and scar, drive away or infuriate beyond measure.

Seething anger on the verge of explosion has a life of its own. Did you ever look into the eyes of a man and know/feel that he really wanted to hit you? I mean knock you out??? Some men will; some men would never. In my younger years, I had been in relationships with both. Without shouldering total blame, even I realized that I was the common denominator. There was something about the way I communicated that drove men insane! If I wanted to partner with Scott in a long-term, loving relationship, it was up to me to honestly discover what that was.

For starters, I could never keep my mouth shut. If an angry thought popped into my head, it spewed out of my mouth like dragon fire… no filter, no caution… forget counting to ten! Cleaning up my mouth was a good place to start. A man once told me, “Cussing is a crutch for conversational cripples.” Ouch!! But there was truth in his statement. I used profanity when I couldn’t or wouldn’t find the words to express my true feelings. It always put Sam on the defensive and made things worse. Just taking every nasty word I wouldn’t use in daily conversation out of an argument diffused it quite a bit.

Next, it was suggested that I look at all the accusations I threw around. YOU, YOU, YOU! If Scott is the only problem in our relationship, then I’m in trouble, because I’ve learned I can’t change him. I can only control my own actions. At first, looking inward was a foreign concept, next to impossible! It was an eye opener to own the harsh nature of my verbal attacks and my insane focus on Scott’s need to change that was fueled by my own self-righteousness. “I was wrong” and “I’m sorry” could be soothing balm for our broken condition, but for years they stayed chained to my pride and ego, never being spoken.

Unresolved anger is the most dangerous marital problem I feel we’ve confronted. It would invariably spin into feelings of hopelessness and thoughts of leaving or divorce. We are both capable of out of control behavior that can do devastating damage. Ironically, handled with some simple tools, we have seen it can be diffused before it escalates. Acknowledging the warning signs of a raised voice, tense muscles or a knot in my stomach, gives me the cue to take a breath, bite my tongue and walk away if necessary. Tabling an issue and making a specific time to talk later, after we’ve had time to cool off and reflect, has saved us from ourselves many times.

We both wanted to communicate our feelings and be heard by the other; but once out of control, our anger made that impossible. One of us may have had a valid concern to begin with, but lacking the skills to communicate effectively would leave us furious. Eventually, the original issue would take a back seat to the unacceptable behavior that overshadowed it. We learned through the pain of failure and the fear of causing irreparable damage that we could not get rid of our anger problem ourselves. Seeking out advice, suggestions and specific tools to apply where our old ways failed were vital steps necessary for making changes.

I am humbled to admit the reality of our past, but I am genuinely proud that we faced our inadequacies and found ways to rise above them. We are and forever will be a work in progress. Knowing positive change is possible, we encourage others to be open to taking the tough steps that can bring peace and contentment back into areas which may seem hopeless. I don’t believe a relationship can maintain itself on a daily basis; we are either building it up or tearing it down. It is a choice; my choice; our choice. We are resigned to the fact that there will always be more for us to learn! But we believe having to rebuild after something is totally demolished is much more difficult than taking care of the required maintenance a day at a time.

Dating Relationships

Love is not just how we fell towards another person. It is not the only up-thrust into a dating relationship. It is also a matter of how we express our feelings to them. We all follow the trends in love craze and sing along the most romantic love songs. Sometimes our love lives take a turn that we never thought possible. The reason why this happens is manly because many people fail to investigate their own love, personality and knowledge while looking for someone with whom you are compatible.

When people of opposite sex meet for the first time and there is something between them suggesting the crown of dating relationships, something closer to mutual interest in each other, the attraction is often overwhelming. The appreciation of the love life comes from both parties and it appears nothing will ever bring the love birds apart.

Then there comes the question that has nagged mankind for generations. Why does love wane so quickly? Couples will appear to have suddenly turned into archrivals with accusations of unfaithfulness and neglecting of responsibilities. The spouses stop giving and start to make demands. This love trend may continue at the same rate but may sometimes differ in different partners depending on their character traits. Since dating relationships do not regard the right way to fall in love, no one can claim to have a prescription. How you meet is of little importance. Most perfect couples meet in the oddest circumstances.

The extent to which lovers maintain creativity without appearing to look unnatural could be debated. It is difficult to know the personality of your lover during the dating period. A person will always take care not to behave in a manner that may make them appear unkind or undesirable. The only trait that comes out clearly is that concerning sex, love and romance in all dating relationships. There is a risk of someone faking a desirable personality only to change a few days after marriage.

A lot of observation is called for, plus a keen interest in the person’s background as well as the motives that motivate the individual’s behavior during the dating period. The ideas you have concerning love and romance. You have to be keen on observation meaning your consciousness has to be always on the alert. Dating relationships do call for carefulness. For instance, if you like going out in the beach and when you suggest this to your partner she readily agrees, you may not succeed in knowing what her likes are. You need to know what else she likes apart from going to the beach. She may not even like going there at all.

Find out about the things that tickle a sense of belonging in her. Know what she would rather die than do and know what annoys her most. Use this knowledge to tell if you are a match for her or not. Knowledge of these things helps in figuring not only the love personality of your prospective spouse but also your own, which fits you in the line of dating relationships that might lead to something more. If you are the kind of a person who is always fascinated by the meaning of things and not the things themselves, you will have a difficult time trying to impress a person who accepts things the way they are without delving into their meaning.